What about Hair Metal Nazis?

In the unfortunate position of being forced to pick a Hair Metal album to listen to, or the Nazis holding your parents will execute them? One of the better options is this one, "Slave to the Grind" by Skid Row. Vocals by the formerly great Sabastian Bach, and a sound that veers in a genre-defying Thrash direction make this one of the best Hair Metal albums of all time.

Need a more virtuosic guitar player? More pointed social satire, perhaps in a light concept-album package? What about a tracklisting with an ecclectic mix of styles? Try the album known for being the "most-returned" of all time, Extreme's "Pornografitti". (It was returned because fools bought the album just for the decidedly un-Metal (but well written, if over-played) ballad "More Than Words", unaware of the ungodly speeds guitarist Nuno Bettencourt would treat them to on other songs.) It features above-average lyrics, amazing instrumentation, and one of my favorite vocalists, the much-maligned third singer for Van Halen, Gary Cherone. Remember that song that Beethoven plays in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure when Joan of Arc is doing aerobics? That was EXtreme.

Worried that the Nazis won't recognize the names of these bands as Hair Metal? Here's a few more Tru Cvlt Hair Metal albums that are really good. Here's Ratt's masterpiece(?) "Out of the Cellar."

Mötley Crüe's "Shout at the Devil" retains more of the Heavy Metal trappings than their subsequent, even more poppy albums.

There are plenty of other Hair Metal bands that are good enough for great Greatest Hits collections, if not great albums. I would put in this list: LA Guns, Dokken, W.A.S.P., Slaughter and Warrant. I hope this information did not reach you too late.