The Metal Way

Everybody who considers "coolness" something real and desirable, should really add some good sources of Metal to their diet. I do realize that Metal seems very alienating, with very ugly-seeming extreme music, and a fan base that hates everyone. But, I am a Metalhead, and I am your friend. I can help you find the Metal you need. And you NEED it.

What is Metal? I don't know, ok? It's complicated. Do you have any idea how many different genres there are of Heavy Metal? Jesus Christ, there are a lot. Power Metal, Thrash Metal, Death Metal, Brutal Death Metal, Melodic Death Metal, Black Metal, Symphonic Black Metal, Goth Metal, Industrial Metal, Nu Metal, Alternative Metal, Groove Metal, Grindcore, Deathcore, Goregrind. It goes on forever. At first, I couldn't tell them apart. I've come to realize, it's not that important either. Genres are just descriptors, shorthand for discussing the music, not an end unto itself. While the Metal community can quite often get into pantie-bunching screaming matches over what constitutes a genre, or whether or not music is "True" metal (a practice I dis-affectionately call "Genrefucking"), it's stupid, and should be ignored. While I do think that there are legitimate definitions of Metal or specific sub-genres, I hardly think it's worth being passionate about. I'll try to define various genres as I see them occasionally in this blog, but you can make your own decisions about what you want to call them. Also, I am not a musician. I don't feel comfortable talking about specific musical terms with any confidence. What I can do is use masterfully illustrative examples.

But for now, let's start at the beginning. While I think there are earlier instances of Metal popping up in various places (like Iron Butterfly's "Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida" or some of Steppenwolf's harder stuff), the consensus seems to be that the first band to play Heavy Metal exclusively was Ozzy Osbourne's old band, Black Sabbath. I think this is a totally fair notion. Black Sabbath is a great entry point for Metal knowledge, not just because they were first, but because they are one of the best! Who doesn't like "Iron Man"? It's simple, catchy, and rocks your ass, right? Right. Please note that while it says the song is from the Lords of Dogtown soundtrack, I am in NO WAY encouraging you to see that film.

Turn it up loud. I don't say that casually. Metal is typically meant to be played LOUD. If you listen to it quietly, you genuinely may not be able to appreciate some kinds of Metal. Many times, the hooks of the songs are so buried in a cacophony of sound, it's simply impossible to appreciate them at low volume.

I'm getting ahead of myself. We're starting easy here. I typically refer to the early forms of Metal and it's closest relatives, as simply Heavy Metal. Some people call it Classic Metal, or something similar, but I don't like the age specific nature of the word "classic". Many bands still play the type of music today, after all.

Another band you have probably heard of is Judas Priest. Again, who doesn't like "Living After Midnight"? NO ONE. Lead singer Rob Halford is rightfully considered one of the best vocalists in Heavy Metal.

Not convinced? What about Priest's "Breaking the Law"?

Try some Iron Maiden. They have wicked-stupid lyrics, but like Judas Priest, feature one of the best vocalists ever, Bruce Dickinson. Here they are performing their silly, yet awesome song about Native Americans, "Run to the Hills".

It's great hearing British people telling us what assholes Americans were to the natives, isn't it? This next one talks about Satan, who's great. It's "The Number of the Beast".

Guess what I've just noticed? I'm not a very good writer. Motörhead were one of the first Heavy Metal bands to start tearing serious ass, with lightning fast riffs, and a gruffer, rougher vocal style. Lead singer Lemmy is God, by the way. Here's Motörhead's "Ace of Spades", one of the best songs in the world!

Is it irritating that some of these songs I've linked to don't play in full unless you go to the Imeem website? Would you rather have YouTube clips? It's easier for me to use the Imeem stuff at work, but if it discourages anyone from listening to the music, please let me know! I don't know what I'm doing!

Here are some albums I would recommend from today's ramblings:

Black Sabbath - Paranoid

Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast

Judas Priest - British Steel

Each of these is an undeniable classic of Heavy Metal, and well worth money, or illegal downloads. Is this helpful? ANSWER ME! Against my better judgement, I'm going to hit "Publish Post".